The End of September

September marks my first full month in my new state of residence; in fact its been over five weeks since I made the very long drive out here to begin this new exciting phase of life. Mid August to the end of September is kind of a crazy time in general for me as far as important life events go and so adding in the excitement of moving halfway across the country and the ongoing drudgery of trying to procure a job has really pushed this month and a half to its limits. These past five weeks have been interesting, exciting at times, deathly boring at others, and full of new life experiences.
Since I've already updated you on the not so exciting or successful job search (which is still on-going), I thought I could also share about some of the more enjoyable activities I have been able to do since moving here.

For those of you who don't know, my birthday is in September and so to celebrate my 23rd year on this lovely planet, Kevin and I went to a local apple orchard and cider mill. We went in the early afternoon in the middle of the week so we had almost the entire place to ourselves. There were four or five different types of apples being picked at the time and we decided to try and grab a couple of each. We picked Jonamacs, Galas, Cortlands, and MacIntosh legally, and despite my misgivings we may have also snagged a few Golden and Red Delicious that we passed by.

The Country Mill which is located in Charlotte, MI also makes their very own donuts and cider on site which we were able to sample after we finished gathering our half a bushel of apples. I was especially fascinated by the cider tap which we used to fill our gallon jug of cider; both the cider tap and its contents were amazing. After the orchard, we went home and cooked up some dinner and the ended the night with some desert and candles. I opted out of cake for my birthday, and instead we made an apple crisp and just stuck the candles in the frozen yogurt. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday.


In a more recent adventure, I was able to have my first Michigan fishing experience. I have not had the opportunity to fish at all over the past few years, except for a few random attempts at the Camp Shawnee pond which were entirely unsuccessful. So I was super excited to be able to spend my day with Kevin on Lake Ovid at Sleepy Hollow State Park to celebrate our one year anniversary and to finally test out my new fishing pole. We rented a small row boat and I can now say that I have somewhat mastered the skill of controlling a row boat. I will admit that we spent a good five minutes going in circles until I figured out the whole steering part, but I did eventually manage to get it under control. According to Kevin, fish like 'structure' so we parked our boat near a dock in a small cove and spent the rest of our afternoon there fishing. He was right because the fish never stopped biting and we even managed to catch five, albeit very small, fish between the two of us.

My First Fish

Hopefully, October will bring a whole new set of adventures, mainly the beginning of my nursing career. That is one adventure I am completely ready to take on at any moment.

Thank You For Your Interest...

...but we have selected another candidate who best meets our current needs at this time.

...but the position you applied for has already been filled.

...but we have identified candidates who more closely match the requirements of the position.


I cannot tell you how many of these emails I have received over the past three to four months while I have been searching desperately for a nursing job. They try to put it nicely or word it in a way that isn't quite so direct, but its hard not to read between the lines and see: you aren't good enough.

If I'm being brutally honest, it has not been easy getting rejected time and time again for one nursing job after the other. I did well in school. I not only excelled academically, but I was involved in various extra-curricular activities and leadership roles. To top it off, I have a degree in the health care field, getting a job was going to be easy or so I was told. I have learned, along with a lot of my fellow nursing school graduates, this is often not the case. Hospitals want someone who has experience, someone who they won't have to spend so much time and money orienting, someone who is less likely to burn out than a new grad just getting into their career.

To them, I am a huge risk. I have little actual nursing experience and therefore I am more of a liability than an asset. However, I will never make that transition unless someone, anyone gives me a chance. I am still in the painful process of finding that someone, that one organization, that is willing to take me on. I've filled out countless online applications, scoured the web looking for nearby hospitals with openings, called numerous Human Resource Departments, gone to job fairs and several interviews, but so far its all just ended in disappointment.

After a while, it really starts to get to your psyche. I mean for a while I was getting four to five rejection emails a week saying 'thanks, but no thanks'. Its hard to see that pop up in your inbox almost daily and consequently feel your self-esteem slowly deflate.

Now, I do not say all of this so that you all can throw me a pity party where we all sit around and talk about 'poor Bethanie', because really, honestly, in the big scheme of things, my problems are minuscule compared to what some people are going through. I still, thanks to the generosity of others, have a place to live and food to eat, I have a car, and I even have a job interview tomorrow. So life really isn't that bad. In fact, life is wonderful and beautiful, no matter how frustrating this phase of it is at the moment.  

As far as the crushing blows to my self-esteem, I even came up with a solution for that. I decided to make myself complete #6 - make a list of 25 things I like about myself. I honestly have been dreading this list item since I wrote it down. Our society as a whole is more comfortable pointing out the negative things we see. We look at something beautiful and manage to find the one error and blow it up and make it the focus. We find it much more difficult to find the positive in others and especially ourselves. And I am by no means exempt from this epidemic of negativity, but I am fighting back. I wrote down on paper twenty five things that I like about myself - ranging from physical to mental to spiritual and everything in between. Now, I am not that self-absorbed or brave enough to post that list here, but rest assured it does exist. In place of the list, I'll leave this quote in hopes that maybe it might inspire you to find the good in yourself as well, no matter what everyone else is telling you.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. 

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. 

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? 

You are a child of God. 

Your playing small does not serve the world. 

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that

other people won't feel insecure around you. 

We are all meant to shine, as children do. 

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. 

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

~Marianne Williamson 

Ravioli & Rice Pie

Yesterday, in a serious campaign against another boring day in my unemployed life, I decided to take on task number twenty-two - make homemade ravioli. And if that wasn't enough to do for one day I also decided to make my first attempt at re-creating my grandmother's rice pie. I know, I know; my heart could barely handle all the excitement either.

Ingredients & Recipe

I started off my cooking extravaganza with making the pasta dough which surprisingly only consists of three ingredients: egg yolks, flour, and water. First, I put 3 cups of flour in a large bowl and made a crater in the middle which I next filled with 5 beaten egg yolks. Using my hands, I mixed these two ingredients together adding water as needed until I had firm, but sticky dough. I then kneaded the dough for about ten minutes at which point the dough was a lot smoother and kind of stretchy. Kneading the dough takes a while and honestly, I was kind of winging it because I wasn't sure of the exact process, but it seemed to be going in the right direction so I went with it. I then put the dough aside to rest until I was ready for the next step in the process.



While the dough was resting, I started on the rice pie. Now my grandmother's rice pie is famous within my family which makes attempting it a daunting task. She makes them for Easter and it is a favorite among my family - especially my brother. In fact, there's a story that always gets brought up at the mention of rice pie when my brother is around. My grandmother often makes rice pies to give away to different people including my family. Well, one time she entrusted Nathan with this pie and he brought it home and didn't tell a single person about it, but instead ate nearly the whole thing by himself. True story. So I have high expectations to live up to if I plan on ever letting my family try my version of this treat. Rice pie for those of you who have never had it before is basically what the name implies - a pie of sorts with a sweet rice filling that includes cinnamon, ricotta cheese, and crushed pineapple to name a few things. I got the recipe from my grandmother who like a lot of good cooks doesn't actually measure when she cooks which makes her written down measurements more of a guess than actual fact. In turn, this complicates things for me further as I've never seen her make rice pie which would help with the whole guessing game of adjusting the recipe as needed. To start the rice pie, I set out to cook the rice which for some reason was more complicated to me than it should have been. I think I misunderstood her directions and just tried to boil it until tender rather than just cooking it normally which I think is my best bet for future attempts.

The Crust

While the rice was cooking, I set out to make the crust which was also my grandmother's recipe. Just as with her filling recipe, these measurements were also guesses, but it came out great with no real adjustments. I then finished mixing up the filling for the rice pie which is where I had my biggest moment of doubt. The filling had several liquid components to it which watered it down quite a bit and it looked extremely runny which I had been warned against so I wasn't sure if it was going to cook properly. However, at this point there really wasn't anything I could change so I just went with it and filled two 9x2 loaf pans and popped them in the oven, all the while with my fingers crossed hoping for the best. They had to cook for an hour which allowed me to turn my focus back to the ravioli.


Before I could begin actually putting together my ravioli, I still had to make my filling. I decided to go with a relatively simple ricotta and spinach filling. However, if you're interested in making your own ravioli there are literally hundreds of ideas online for different and interesting fillings. The recipe I decided to go with called for: 1 pound each of fresh (cook it first!) spinach and ricotta cheese, 1 egg, 1 teaspoon of nutmeg, 4 tablespoons of Parmesan cheese, and salt and pepper to taste. Mix it all up and viola, you have a delicious filling ready to be placed inside some freshly made pasta dough.


With the filling ready to go, I was now ready to begin the actual ravioli making process. I separated my dough into 4 pieces and rolled them out one at a time into about 1/8 inch thick rectangles which I cut in half - one for the top and one for the bottom. I originally was going to make the ravioli with just a knife and a fork, but Kevin's parents happen to have a ravioli maker of sorts which I decided to use. Unfortunately, there were no directions and I am 99% sure I did not fully take advantage of this machine because it didn't really cut them out as I had anticipated, but it was a good guide as far as the size of the ravioli and the amount of filling to put inside. I would lay out the bottom sheet of dough, place the filling at appropriate intervals, rub egg yolk - the glue - all in between the filling and then lay on the top sheet and press down on the ravioli stamper. The ravioli maker/stamper didn't cut all the way through the dough so I had to go back and finish the cut with a butter knife most times, but other than that it wasn't difficult at all. I got ten ravioli out of each of the 4 sections and was able to get another 8 or so good ones out of the scraps left over. The only ones I had trouble with were the ones I tried to make out of the leftover scraps. The dough seemed overworked and wouldn't roll out thin enough and wasn't holding together as well. In the end though, I was left with a decent amount of well-made raviolis - ready to be cooked and eaten.

The Good Ones

Now that my ravioli were made, it was time to cook them, but first I had to get my rice pies out of the oven which had thankfully lost their runny look and seemed to be on the right track. I ended up leaving them in the oven a little longer than an hour because I wasn't sure if they were cooked all the way through, but after an extra ten minutes the tops were browned and the filling was firm which seemed to be the test for doneness according to the recipe. I took them out and set them on the counter to cool for their later test taste - which they did pass with flying colors.


With the rice pie finished, it was time for the ravioli to complete their journey to the plate via being cooked. My biggest concern with the ravioli was that when I went to go boil them that they would split open and then I would be left with only plain squares of pasta floating around in a very, very watered down cheese and spinach sauce of sorts. I'm sure it would be just as gross as it sounds. Freshly made ravioli only has to be cooked for 3 to 5 minutes in boiling water so I was hoping they could survive that short amount of time. Thankfully, my fears were unfounded as all the ravioli made it through their cooking time without any incident. All that there was left to do was finally sit down and eat them which as we all know if everything goes as planned is the best part of any cooking experience. And these ravioli did not disappoint.

The Final Products

Home-made Spinach & Ricotta Ravioli

Grandma's Rice Pie

Its Been A Long Time Coming

...but I finally finished number 73 - create 10 playlists of 10 different songs each for 10 different emotions. I first started blogging about this particular list item back in January of 2010. I updated my progress this past February by posting two of the lists - one for those in love and one for those suffering through heartbreak.

Everytime I open my Itunes I see these ten playlists waiting to be completed on the right side of my screen and every once in a while I would hear a song and drag it over to a folder for further review in the future. Yesterday, I finally sat myself down and went through every playlist, deleting, adding, and re-arranging, until they were all done. So without further adieu, I give you the finished project:

You Flew Off With the Wings of My Heart & Left Me Flightless

~ a playlist for the broken hearted ~

 

Without You Here (Goo Goo Dolls)

Hanging On Too Long (Duffy)

Almost Lover (A Fine Frenzy)

The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore (James Morrison)

Dreaming With a Broken Heart (John Mayer)

I Still Ain't Over You (Augustana)

Set Fire to the Rain (Adele)

Colors (Amos Lee & Norah Jones)

Breakeven (Script)

White Blank Page (Mumford And Sons)

Whatever Our Souls are Made Of, His & Mine are the Same

~ a playlist for those in love ~

 

Stay With You (John Legend)

Vanilla Twilight (Owl City)

You Picked Me (A Fine Frenzy)

Crazy for You (Adele)

The Way I Am (Ingrid Michaelson)

You Make My Dreams (Hall & Oates)

Lucky (Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat)

Home (Christina Perri)

Better Together (Jack Johnson)

I'd Rather Be With You (Joshua Radin)

 

 

At The Core of All Anger is a Need That Isn't Being Fulfilled

~ a playlist for when your blood is boiling ~

 

Everybody's Fool (Evanescense)

The Joke (Lifehouse)

Mean (Taylor Swift)

Bang Bang Bang (Christina Perri)

Sick Cycle Carousel (Lifehouse)

Devil in Me (Kate Voegle)

On My Way (Ingram Hill)

Are You Happy Now? (Michelle Branch)

Not Ready to Make Nice (Dixie Chicks)

 

 

Completely, Peferctly, & Incandessantly Happy

~ a playlist for when life couldn't be better ~

 

Beauty (Lamont & Ten Shekel Shirt)

High of 75 (Relient K)

People Should Smile More (Newton Faulkner)

Life is Wonderful (Jason Mraz)

Here Comes the Sun (The Beatles)

We're All in this Together (Ben Lee)

The Heart of Life (John Mayer)

Anthem (Phantom Planet)

Beautiful Day (U2)

All This Beauty (The Weepies)

 

 

Death Leaves a Heartache No One Can Heal, Love Leaves a Memory No One Can Steal

~ a playlist for grief and loss ~

 

There Will Be a Light (Ben Harper & the Blind Boys of Alabama)

With You in Your Dreams (Hanson)

I Will Follow You into the Dark (Death Cab for Cutie)

If I Die Young (The Band Perry)

Arc of Time (Bright Eyes)

Keep Me in Your Heart (Warren Zevon)

Slipped Away (Avril Lavigne)

Shadow of the Day (Boyce Avenue)

My Immortal (Evanescense)

When I Get Where I'm Going (Brad Paisley)

 

 

Each Betrayal Begins With Trust

~ a playlist to help you nourish the wound left by the knife in your back ~

 

Screaming Infidelities (Dashboard Confessional)

Betrayal (Fiction Family)

Cheated on Me (Gavin DeGraw)

Liar, Liar (A Fine Frenzy)

The Best Deceptions (Dashboard Confessional)

Stab My Back (All American Rejects)

Viva La Vida (Coldplay)

Picture to Burn (Taylor Swift)

Goodbye (Secondhand Serenade)

Cheater, Cheater (Joey & Rory)

 

 

Every Man Has His Secret Sorrow Which the World Knows Not

~ a playlist for the gloomy days -

 

How To Save a Life (The Fray)

Something's Missing (John Mayer)

Your House (Alanis Morisette)

Follow Me (Kid Cudi)

Storm (Lifehouse)

Misguided Ghosts (Paramore)

Let It Be - Across the Universe Version (Carol Woods & Timothy T. Mitchum)

Hurt (Johnny Cash)

Let Her Cry (Hootie & the Blowfish)

Sad Song (Christina Perri)

 

 

Missing You Could Turn From Pleasure into Pain, If I Knew You Were Feeling the Same

~ a playlist for those helplessly stuck in unrequited love ~

 

Wish You Were (Kate Voegle)

Gravity (Sara Bareilles)

Make You Feel My Love (Adele)

When You Gracefully Creep In (Averi)

In Your Atmosphere - Live (John Mayer)

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want (She & Him)

Out of My Mind (Colbie Caillat)

You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift)

Again I Go Unnoticed (Dashboard Confessional)

Don't You Remember (Adele)

 

 

The Key to Change Is Letting Go of Fear

~ a playlist for that terrifying six letter word ~

 

Coffee Break (Forever the Sickest Kids)

If I Fell - Across the Universe Version (Evan Rachel Wood)

The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most (Dashboard Confessional)

Change Gonna Come (B.O.B., Charles Hamilton, & Asher Roth)

Stop This Train (John Mayer)

There Goes the Fear (Doves)

Days Go By (Lifehouse)

Tomorrow (Avril Lavigne)

Hey World - Don't Give Up Version (Michael Franti & Spearhead)

Waiting on the World to Change (John Mayer)

 

 

Sometimes When One Person is Missing the Whole World Seems Depopulated

~ a playlist for loneliness and separation ~

 

I Never Told You (Colbie Caillat)

What Am I Gonna Do (Dave Barnes)

Back to You (John Mayer)

Gotta Have You (The Weepies)

Living in Your Letters (Dashboard Confessional)

The Fear You Won't Fall (Joshua Radin)

Don't Leave (Ben Lee)

I'm Scared (Duffy)

Penguin (Christina Perri)

See You Later, See You Soon (Stephen Kellogg & the Sixers)

Slowly, But Surely

I have less than three months to finish my 101 list and since I am currently unemployed, which is a whole other ongoing battle, I sat down and made myself a list of everything still left on my list and decided where I stand on items that are still left undone. 

In keeping in line with my ongoing attempts to keep you updated on my progress here is where I stand:

• 15 items in progress
• 10 items that I know will not happen between now and November 27th
• 17 items that I still have yet to start

When I initially wrote the list, I had a few more things to do, but since then I have been able to cross out a few, some of which I realized I had done some time ago and some that I was able to do this past week now that I have a little extra time on my hands. 


One of these such tasks was accomplished Wednesday. Much to my dismay, I had to get a Michigan driver's license this week as my license is going to expire on my birthday which is right around the corner. Its hard to see one of my more concrete ties to the East Coast fall to the wayside. I have this secret joy every time I pull out my license and someone says 'Rhode Island? Wow, I think this is the first license I've ever seen from there', but now they'll just see the same old license they see every day and I am slowly becoming a resident of the 'mitten state' as one of my friends called Michigan recently. I tell you all this because in getting my new license I was able to check off the box stating my wish to be an organ donor if anything should happen to me (#28). 


Slowly, but surely I will finish this list. I hope.