To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on. 

(Robert Frost)

I don't think there is really any other way to begin this blog post. Life lately has been taking me for quite the ride. I was having such a hard time right before the holidays because it was going to be my very first Christmas away from home. I couldn't even talk about anything related to the Christmas season without tearing up. I ended up getting my wish to go home, but not for any reason I would want. My grandfather ended up taking a sooner than expected turn for the worse right before Christmas and so I flew home to say goodbye. He ended up passing away on December 28th, and although it was difficult to lose him it was a blessing in disguise in that I got to spend my last Christmas as an unmarried woman with my family. 

This brings me to the first upswing of the roller coaster ride that has been my life as of late. On January 1st, a mere four days after losing my Pepe, Kevin got down on one knee at the end of the Chimney trail at Camp Shawnee and asked me to marry him. I couldn't have been more excited or happy and after staring at him dumbfounded for what I'm sure felt like an eternity I said yes. It couldn't have been a more perfect moment for both of us - the beginning of the rest of our lives starting right where we met on a mountain in the middle of Eastern Kentucky almost 4 years ago. We are so excited for this next big adventure.

I wish I could say that the upward route continued, but on January 18th I felt like the floor fell out from beneath me and I was in a free fall for the bottom. I got a phone call at work on that Wednesday afternoon to call home immediately for a family emergency. My family lost my Aunt Michelle that day very unexpectedly and it has been so difficult to deal with that loss. She was a stronghold for my entire family when things got crazy and it felt like she was the one person who could help us all deal with a difficult situation, but this time her not being there was the tragedy. And we were all so lost without her. I found myself back on another last minute flight to Rhode Island in less than a month and neither of them for happy times; it was such a surreal experience. I felt like I was in a movie where the main character stands still in the middle of all this busyness and activity whirling around them. Everything is moving so quickly around you, but you're frozen and nothing you do will make it stop. Sometimes it feels like I still haven't hit the bottom of the free fall and been snapped back to reality quite yet. 

Since that time, I have been trying to return to a sense of normalcy in my life in Michigan. I don't know how or if you try and go back to some time before everything you thought you knew changed. It's hard to go on without the ones we love and miss, but knowing that they would want you to continue on and that they are still watching does make it more bearable. Luckily, I have lots of exciting things to look forward to this year - especially the fact that I am marrying my best friend in a few short months. And that is how I want this year to be, I've had enough of the bad, bring on the good.